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Cassette 3: Insomnia, Feet/Transcript
This is the official transcript for the episode which can also be accessed for free at'' patreon.com/withinthewires'' In this cassette we will address insomnia. We will approach techniques to help you sleep at night. After listening to this tape you will be able to spend your night’s resting, sinking into forgotten dreams, instead of wandering about the Institute, trying to open doors to places you are not permitted. You may use the cassettes in this Relaxation Study to help you in your everyday life, but perhaps wait until you have all of the information before acting out anything you thought you heard or understood on these tapes. No one has told you to act on anything you hear. Perhaps the Institute might find your insomnia… alarming. And now we will begin Cassette Three, Side A: Plant your feet, wanderer. # # # For this first exercise, sit upright on a counter or bed, your back perpendicular to the ground. Make sure your feet do not touch the floor. Take off your standard issue slippers and relax your feet. Let them hang down, sloping gently toward the floor, your toes like stalactites. Now bring your feet up, parallel to the ground, flexing from the ankles. Keep your back upright, & relax your arms, your neck. Try to imagine your head is being pulled up by a string, and your spine is dangling from it, weightless. Relax your feet. Let's add some breathing now. Breathe in. Through your mouth and lift your feet and toes into the air. Breathe out. Through your nose letting your feet relax. Breathe in. Slowly. Repeat. Flexing your feet and toes as you inhale. Letting them drop towards floor as you exhale. Continue breathing and think about the bottoms your feet, the shapes of them, their curves, their soft wrinkled lines and hard, dry heels. Breathing in and out, flexing up and down. Feel your shoes. Simple blue canvas flats. You are not wearing them right now, but you remember what it feels like to wear them. They are the ones you brought with you to the institution, currently in lockbox 4C-182, along with a faux leather wallet, cotton tote bag, a sony walkman, Siouxsie and the Banshees cassette tape, blue jeans, ankle socks, brassiere, lavender t-shirt, striped sweater, tube of persimmon lipstick and hairpin. Feel your shoes. Feel the grass and earth below them as you walk about a public park. As you flex your feet up... and down. breathing out... and in.... imagine a public park. The sun is shining. It is spring. The ground is green and bright. There are people. They have books, frisbees, dogs, other people. Some are smoking and laughing. Some wear sunglasses and listen to music from portable radios. You are near the pond. There are no people in the pond, but there are geese. There are 3 geese at this pond. Imagine the pond. Picture the sun glinting off the ripples that cross its surface. Hear the water lapping against the bank. It is not difficult for you to imagine the pond, as you flex your feet, for you remember it. It is okay to remember this pond. You hear the beats of the music across the park. In your periphery, distant others dancing with their heads to the ground and feet to the skies, spinning like bent drill bits. In front of you is a woman, slightly older than you. You say her name. She says your name. You both smile. You both hug. She has lines around eyes, and she is broader, taller than you. Her face fuller, but you know her nose. Does she see her eye lines, her nose, on your face? Does she see you for who you are? Do you see here for who she is? It is something to learn isn't it. Continue flexing your feet. Up, then down. Continue breathing. Out, then in. Close your eyes. I promise you are alone. You are definitely alone this time. You weren’t alone during the last cassette, even though I said you were. But you are now. I promise. Imagine you are in a park, in the spring, near a pond, with a woman. There are 3 geese on the pond. Imagine the dancers across the park in your periphery. You can hear the thumping of their music. You can just make out a crowd forming, waving their fists and cheering on the dancers with their switchblade legs and onramp haircuts. In the crowd, you see two people. They are not moving. They are watching you. Watching her. They have sunglasses, and cigarettes. They have books, but they are not reading. They have an unpleasant dog with them. All around them it is green and bright. They are neither smiling nor laughing. They look at you. From far away. In your periphery, where all you hear are the beats. Imagine the two people who do not move. Imagine what they must think. Imagine the work that goes into making frisbees and adopting dogs and recorded music and allowing public dance spaces. Imagine all of the work people with sunglasses and cigarettes standing in cheering, smiling crowds must do so that these crowds can cheer and smile. So they can holler and watch dancers spin and twist like unbalanced tops. Imagine being 10 years and one day old, so fresh and new, so ready for learning and socialization. Imagine being a caretaker, separating the 10 year olds and teaching them. Allowing them to learn and love and live. Giving them food as information and art as nourishment. Imagine a history book, once burned and derided, now cared for and admired. Cleaned and tidied, made nice for new generations. Imagine a family tree, once clung to and revered, now pruned and clipped, and picked at for its delicious fruit. Fruits do not return to trees. They become them. Continue flexing your feet up then down. Breathing in then out. Imagine the three geese. Imagine their feet. Orange, flat, wide. Alternating flicks to keep moving forward. Imagine what the geese see. Fish and water and possible predators. They see patterns of similar birds. They see you and they do not trust you, but they know they can get away if you turn on them. They know they can go to places in ways that you cannot follow. Imagine going to places in a way that others cannot follow. Imagine the two in the crowd. They are no longer in the crowd. They are elsewhere. You cannot see them, but you know now that they are there. Were there. You know now that they were there that day as you talked with her, laughed with her. Talked about Siouxsie and the Banshees with her. Both of you drifting off into sunny naps with books across your chests. You know now that they were watching you. Imagine what the two must think seeing the two of you with your similar lines about the eyes and similar noses. Imagine all the work that goes into this park, this much sunshine, this much laughter, this many dogs, and such great dancing. Imagine the work that goes into pruning a tree to protect the garden. Imagine what they must think seeing you and her. Imagine their curiosity, as you lift your feet high, curling up your toes, breathing into your nostrils and under your scalp Imagine their desire for knowledge, as you lower your feet, relaxing your toes, breathing out through your mouth. Feel your feet in simple canvas shoes, shoes that are now in lockbox 4C-182. Feel your feet on the grass and imagine how you know all of the things you know, all of the people you know. You may relax your feet and open your eyes. You are in your assigned room. You are alone, just as I promised. Continue to breathe. You have completed your foot exercises. Before continuing to side B, take a moment to consider your favorite kinds of dance and how your hips make decisions. Explain body balance to your Security Nurse. END OF SIDE A # # # Cassette Three, Side B - Sleep on it Here we begin an exercise to help with your insomnia. This exercise may or may not put you to sleep during this cassette. That is fine. But, as you sleep, do not stop listening. The important thing is for you to listen to the exercise, remember carefully each step of the exercise, and comprehend what it can do for you. Lie on your back and close your eyes. Continue breathing as you think about your feet, which are soft and numb. In. And out. In. And out. Without moving your body and without opening your eyes, imagine your room. Remember everything about the room you are currently in. Name each thing in your room silently in your head. Bed. Light. Lamp. Corner camera. Table. Sink. Cabinet. Mirror. Tiled floor. Good. Continue with this list. Repeat items if you have to. Corner Camera for instance. Corner camera. You mind will begin to relax, to let go of everything that is not in your room, both literally and metaphorically. The mind must let go of everything outside of its reach, outside of its "room," and here I made finger-quotes. You should not make finger-quotes, as this is a sleeping exercise, and I have instructed you not to move your body. Except for your breathing. In and Out. Without moving or opening your eyes, explore your room. You are not walking, but drifting. You can move anywhere. Near the sink. The mirror. Do not envision your reflection. This is an attempt to go to sleep, and you cannot get yourself excited. Envision the lamp. Turn off the lamp without moving. Simply envision all of the lights in the room turning off. Envision looking at the corner camera as you do so. It is dark in your room, and you cannot see the camera anymore. But you know that it still sees you. Someone sees you, through the eye in the corner of your room. Drift through the door of your room, into the corridor. Look to your left, toward the toilets and showers. At the end of the hall, atop the wall, is another camera. The lights in the hallway are always on. You cannot turn them off, even in your mind. The camera that you see, also sees you. The same person who sees you from the corner of your room, sees you from the end of this corridor. Now look to your right. There is another camera in a similar place on the other wall. The same person can see you through each of these cameras. Each camera has 4 hours worth of tape before it re-records over itself. Each person monitoring the cameras has a 2 hour shift. Some people who monitor cameras care more for you than other people who monitor the cameras. Some people care a great deal for you. Envision the clock in the hallway. Imagine the clock is set at 2:05 am. This is a time where you are watched by someone who cares a great deal about your safety and well-being Envision in the corridor to your right five white doors. You have envisioned these doors before. Envision from the end of the corridor a Security Team. Four sentries with helmets, rifles, and specialty eyewear. The first door is the door to the toilets. No one will be suspicious of you going into the toilets. No one is suspicious of you. This is just a visualization exercise. It is completely imaginary. It is important you do not go exploring when people who do not care for you are monitoring corridors and cameras. In the toilet, listen to the footsteps of the security team past the doorway. It will take them 25 more steps to reach the hallway's end. Count those steps and then exit, heading past the other doors. One two three four five. Are you remembering to breathe? In. Out. Enter the fifth door. You will learn more about this door later. There is no time now, for this is simply an exercise to improve your sleeping habits. Envision a crescent moon. It is boxy, pixellated. Upon closer look it is a set of interconnected buildings. They make up The Institute. See The Institute from above. Envision yourself in the trough of the concave curve, in the middle of the set of buildings, at the start of a concrete walkway. Walk down this path. It will lead to an oak tree, standing beside a wiry fence. Plant your feet into the earth below the oak. There are other trees, but the oak tree is large, and catches no artificial lights from the moon shaped building. When the clock reads 5:30am, envision a truck driving through the gate near the oak. Imagine yourself walking swiftly beside the truck, which has become a barrier between you and The Institute. It is still a truck, of course, as well as a barrier. It is possible to be two things at once. Imagine walking quickly beside the truck, until you are around the corner and can slip into the nearby forest. You should be getting very sleepy. Count now your steps through the forest. Count 250 steps. Go on. Count them quietly to yourself. pause While you continue to count to 250, examine closely the ground below you. Examine it with your feet as it is still dark, here in your visualization exercise, a completely fictitious exercise to help free you from your insomnia. Feel the ground on your naked feet. You must imagine yourself naked save for your light gown. You have left your slippers as bare feet are more nimble. Feel the rough, pebbly ground of the outskirt of the forest. As you approach 50 steps, feel the pebbles give way to bramble and grass. As you approach 200 steps feel large rocks. Move quickly but not too quickly. Imagine you are uninjured stepping through this forest in the dark. Envision a river. After you have counted to 250 steps, you should hear a river. Envision the sound of a river. What is the word for envisioning a sound. Lying now on your back with your eyes closed, do whatever that word is that means to envision the sound of a river. Move toward that river. Do you hear it? Soft water trickling over mossy rocks? Follow the river to your right toward the mountains. Up the stream into the hills, as the sun breaks over the craggy peaks. The river rises steeply upwards through a waterfall. Imagine millions of gallons a minute falling dozens of feet. Envision the roar of the waterfall. No one can hear you here. Envision a hole behind the fall. Envision a cave. Carefully move behind the falling water into the cave. It is dark and cool in the cave. You will feel about slick rocky sides until you find a box. A lockbox containing hiking shoes, jeans, flannel shirt, gloves and a water-resistant jacket, water and rations. Imagine the sound of a waterfall, enveloping you in this peaceful place. Imagine basic needs met. Imagine yourself in slick walls, surrounded by water and nourishment and the warm undulating hum of nature. You have experienced yourself in a similar place before. Before memory. Before birth. You should not remember this experience, but somehow you do. Feel the pulsing hum with each breath. In And out. Feel the breaths and the hum all the way down into your tingling, limp feet. You must be getting quite sleepy now. It is time to rest. Remember the steps of this exercise in the future. Combined with exercises from other cassettes in this series, it is a guaranteed way to be freed from insomnia. You have completed your visualization exercise for cassette three. After you wake, fill out the required survey. Answer no, to every question, except the first. Leave the survey in the Institute Library inside a book titled “Extensive Studies Lab Test Results, Case Numbers 122 through 184.” Do not give it to your Security Nurse. Do not read anything in that book. END SIDE B Category:Transcripts